How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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