we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
