I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
