Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
