you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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