i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
