One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
