She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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