he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
