The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
