Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
