I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
