You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
