Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
