She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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