No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
