As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
