Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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