Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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