you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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