I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Welp...herpes.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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