She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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