Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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