tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
