So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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