she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
