cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
