Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
