just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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