you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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