I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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