I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
