The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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