why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
