We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
