Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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