I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
