the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There are leaves in my underwear?
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