I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
