dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
