he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i dont even know how to be here
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
