I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
