he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Who died my cat blue again?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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