In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
