Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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