Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
