I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
