Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
