Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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