Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
