I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
