I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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