Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
