Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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