you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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