They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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