I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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