After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There r osticjed everywhere
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
